Helen fisher on dating
'I’ve run into two men recently with whom I have had splendid times talking, but I’m not attracted to them and they’re not attracted to me, and that is because they are both builders. He is charming, he is funny, he is my age and single, but I just know that down the road we’re going to go to the same restaurant every night, and every weekend we are going to have to do dinner parties.’ She smiles again.
Fisher and her colleagues at the Center for Human Evolution Studies at Rutgers University in New Jersey have scanned the brains of about 60 people who claimed to be in love.I’m a scientist, not a soothsayer, but I have got to the point now in my research where my reaction to people is often quite accurate. She’s soft, sweet, verbally skilled, whereas her husband is like a bull in a china shop.’ For Fisher, the most interesting aspect of all this is why these patterns have evolved. It’s pretty easy to see why the negotiator and the explorer go together so well. The director needs the compassion and the verbal skills of the negotiator, while the negotiator needs the direct decisiveness of the director.I was internally struggling with the interviewer; she was too literal, she didn’t go with the flow.’ Fisher believes that understanding who you are is vital to understanding to whom you are attracted. Two builders together are good because they will both be very traditional.They discovered increased activity in the ventral tegmental area of the brain and other parts associated with motivation, pleasure and heightened focus.She has also studied the behavioural patterns of six million men and women who have taken part in a questionnaire on the dating site chemistry.com, and through this extensive research she has worked out that all of us conform to one of four personality types, which are controlled by different chemicals in the brain.