Dating physically abused women
As a survivor and as a human, I can only be the expert in my own experience.But throughout my decade of dating, I picked up a few pointers when it comes to encountering a survivor of sexual violence on a date. If you have never encountered a sexual violence survivor, please, please educate yourself before going on any more dates.“They recognize they don’t have to be in a dating relationship forever.They can get out of it.”Child abuse was the single biggest determining factor for men and women becoming perpetrators or victims of either dating violence or stalking, Gover said.Women were more likely to be psychologically abusive, with 57 percent saying they were perpetrators versus 50 percent of males.Shelley Serdahely, executive director of Men Stopping Violence, in Decatur, Ga., questions the validity of studies showing women are more violent.Although women were the predominant abusers, they still made up the largest number of victims in both surveys, accounting for 70 percent of those being stalked, for example.The reason more college men weren’t victims may be that women in the study did not exclusively date them, preferring men who had already graduated, not yet enrolled in college or chose not to attend college at all, Gover said.
In a separate survey of 1,490 UF students, one quarter (25 percent) said they had been stalked during the past year and 7 percent reported engaging in stalking, of whom a majority (58 percent) were female.
As the years went on, I experimented with many different tactics. On the one hand, I never felt like I wanted to hide my history of sexual violence from dates, just like I wouldn’t hide the death of a parent or a bad car accident.
Being a survivor—and the resilience that goes along with it—is such a deep part of who I am.
Examples included preventing partners from seeing family or friends, shouting at them and using threats to have sex.
Fifty-four percent of respondents reported being psychologically abusive, and 52 percent said they were victims of this type of behavior.
Search for dating physically abused women:
“Maybe some of these women have been abused by their partner for some time and they’re finally fighting back,” she said.